Die Männer legen sich oft vorher noch ein Kondom parat, dringen dann aber doch ohne ein. Ich passe jetzt besser auf. Mir war es anfangs am liebsten d...n Mann einfach machen zu lassen, ohne Blickkontakt. Den Sex möchte ich mit meinem Freund genießen, er ist die wichtigste Person im Zimmer, mit ihm will ich das aufregende erleben und ihm das auch zeigen.Anal. Das kommt dort ganz selten vor. Meist mit Männer mit denen wir schon einmal auf einem Zimmer waren. Die fragen dann schon mal. Ich mag es. Madison would still be alive. I thought I am such an awful person so selfish. My true love was dead.……………….I quit school. I could not look at the place. All it did was bring back my memories of that night. Several months passed. I was in and out of hospitals and psych wards. I saw dozens of psychiatrists. Nothing helped. I even tried to take my own life a few times. All I could think about is it is all my fault.I took a job at a diner, hoping to fill my days and maybe send me to normalcy. I. But then Dad reminds me that when I get my bottom smacked my big sister Jen always takes me to my room afterwards and rubs cream on my sore bum and talks to me until I stop being upset. And then he asks me what kind of big sister did I want to be. And that makes me feel all tied up inside ‘cause I want to be like Jen is but that means I have to be nice to Estelle even though I hate her. And then I sit there and I think about that and I think that I don’t really hate her but I wish she’d be nice. ”I looked down at him for a few moments, now I was the one getting angry. John and Mandy had put me through the wringer today and he just stood there and told me it was my fault that they were upset.“Well she’s got more than I have then.” I said quietly and turned back to the stairs.That night I was haunted by Mandy in my dreams. I saw her standing at the bar, her slim body with it’s cute butt drawing my gaze. Her shy smile as her eyes looked down at the table, her cheerful grin when she turned.
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