Most of all that I would be back tonight to say good night.The roads were much better but still one lane in places with snow in huge piles. The snow h...d stopped not long after we had arrived at the hospital and now there were snow plows everywhere. We were back at the airport in an hour.We went to Morton Field because that is where the biggest challenges were. There was a 200 million dollar C17 in front of terminal, Lorrie and I both wanted to know why.I was not concerned about the F16s after. "Well, I am! But I'm not going to change my mind. We're going toplay a third set and, as you play like a girl, I feel you shouldplay in a pretty dress. Let's go!"With that, she took hold of his arm, and started pulling him offthe court. It finally dawned on me. She was serious! Then I sawthat, even though he seemed to be resisting her, she wasactually pulling him along. Off the court and up the pathtowards the house, while I sat there, open mouthed inastonishment. He finally must have realized. The white innocence was a quasi mockery of my pain, glossing everything over but the loss, the empty space beside me that I thought could never be filled again. It made everything look pristine and like a coherent whole, covering the shambles of my life. White is the colour of silence.Red is the colour of pain. Arriving at Heathrow half an hour late, confused and jet-lagged, scanning the crowd for you and Steven, but you had not been there. Our then manager Pete, six feet tall, a bear of a man,. I was going to have sex with a sexy woman who wanted me and I felt as if I was going into sensory overload and needed something to calm me down. Although not a great distraction the multiplication tables seemed to be working.I dried myself, helped myself to some mouthwash on the counter and slipped on the robe. I decided to leave my clothes in the bathroom. Hopefully it would be awhile until I needed them.I exited the bathroom and tentatively made my way back to the living room. Sonia was.
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