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Her father, her stepfather, and I hate them. They're the scum of the earth. Then, I look at myself and ... I'm no better. Not one single shred better....UCK!I fucking hate myself so much right now. What the fuck do I do? How do I make this right? There's got to be a way. Think, man, think.I had been here before. Standing at Jenny's door, wracked with guilt, too cowardly to knock. I found the courage to do it before. Just do it, man. Knock. Get it over with. Tell her, "No more 'service', Jenny.". I felt his fingers go between my ass cheeks and slide over my asshole. Using my own wetness as lubrication, he attempted to insert his finger in my ass but I was not relaxed at all – more nervous about it all rather than experiencing any pain. He could tell I was not comfortable so, telling me I needed to play with my ass and open it up each day, he left me standing there, naked and confused. I was devastated; feeling extremely vulnerable and incredibly sad. I thought maybe I was not good. Not currently in arelationship as my goals would conflict with that. I'm a perfectlysuitable blank slate.I know I'm fucked up, because I'm looking for the taxi. I want to gothrough what my mother went through so many years ago. I want an escapefrom this broken life I've lived. Everything I went through will bejustified if I can find a way to out. In my heart I know this isn't true,but I still have to do it.Each day I go through I find yet another reason to hate the person whotook my mom from. ’ Then I pulled a remote out of my pocket, and hit play. Bryan Adams ‘Heaven’ started playing and we danced. It was similar to the first time but it was so much more different because it felt like everything in the universe was in balance and we were both alright. Suddenly I was beginning to be effected by my game as well, now seeing my own innocence in a new light. I closed my eyes and held Emily tight, as we rocked back and forth, two souls united once again, until the music ended. Everyone.
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