A researchassistant remembered my telephone inquiry of the previous day,and she produced a stack of magazines and newspaper articleswhich I took into ... study carrel. For the next two hours, I wastransported back to the summer of 1977. I closed my eyes andtried to bring back the dream that had haunted me the nightbefore last.We were sitting in Roger's Porsche outside my apartment. Dinnerand drinks at Dangerfield's had been so much fun, and I wanted tomake this evening last forever. He had his. E. sex, since Lucy had confided she had recently lost her virginity. After a few minutes of graphic descriptions from Lucy, Cathy found herself rubbing her cunt through her knickers again and getting moist as Lucy described the sex act to her down the phone. Lucy asked if Cathy had so much as seen a mans cock yet.She just blurted it out to her friend. “I saw dad wanking once”.“Wow” said Lucy “ did it turn you on”“Not really, what was weird though was he grunted my name when he shot off”“Nothing. My car smelled like girl-sweat, andthat was really good. My head was swimming. I was delirious. This was betterthan any drug. Waaay better.Alissa let me rest for about forever in her arms, then asked if I'd give hera ride home. She had to "model" tomorrow.Without any kind of inhibitions, all post-orgasm and happy, I told her I'dget her away from her mom. I told her we'd run away to Italy, like in theMorphine song, but together. She laughed and reminded me that neither of usknew Italian. I told. ’ ‘I suppose so. But what do I do? She doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. I think I blew it.’ ‘Sometimes you have to fight for what you want Hugh. In life, you only get so many chances at love. Don’t miss out because you’re afraid.’ ‘Afraid of what?’ ‘Getting hurt, putting yourself out there and giving someone the power to trample your heart if they choose.’ My heart was pounding in my chest at the thoughts of giving up control to someone like that. I’d never been hurt by a girl.
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