I had to pay a price of course, but all the immediate uncertainty about college is behind me. I negotiated with my parents, under an end-of-January Ha...vard deadline for completing all the acceptance forms and mailing in an initial deposit for the tuition. Some serious bucks! That's what convinces me all this is real. My dad and I walked everything to the post office over a month ago. I watched my future hopes go into the mailbox and breathed a huge sigh of relief. The application package even. I got on the train in a first class carriage (using the card he gave me to pay for his dry cleaning and that was going to pay for a good night out for me and a couple of friends tonight) and was joined a couple of minutes later by a hot looking guy who smiled nicely and sat opposite me, we got talking and I told him what happened he said I should get my own back so I explained I had one of his credit cards and was going to max it out before I told him to get lost, he thought that was funny and. The smell of manly sweat hung in the air. As some where in the shower and some where stood their naked getting changed. I could help eyeing up the fit hunks package and suddenly saw that he was looking at me. I tried to make out I was looking at it. He took his time in changing. Soon it was just me and him there. The coach said 'Lock up for me' and left us both alone. The hunk called Steve walked over to me. "I saw you eyeing me up." he said with a smile. "I don't know what your talking about.". It’s probably why I never blamed him for wanting to keep his distance. He must have sensed my growing feelings for him, feelings that he couldn’t reciprocate let alone understand, and that pushed him away. He was straight and all man. I was gay, un-masculine, and practically in love with him. It wasn’t exactly a textbook friendship that was meant to last forever. Ryan was a programmer, and he wanted me to design the logo for his new startup. Even back then, I believed that was the start of.
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