We were having problems with our marriage. We had borrowed heavily against the ranch and the payments were breaking our backs. Your father was preoccu...ied with the finances and the fear of losing the ranch. We argued. We withdrew from each other. He had an affair with a woman who worked at the bank. I felt unloved. I could not bring myself to be with another man, even knowing what was going on, and so I grew desperate. When I met Danielle who worked in a clothing store in town, I was at a low. I pulled him back enough to separate them and fixed him with my best steely-eyed stare. “I’m going to dance with my wife, now, Marcel. Find another wife to rub on.” I moved in between them and pulled Jude to me as I released his hand.Marcel rubbed his finger. It would survive. I didn’t break it. Jude put her arms around my neck, swaying back and forth to the music. “Why did you do that?” she asked, her voice soft and sultry.“You’re my wife, goddammit,” I told her, my mouth to her ear. “I’ll. Finally he goaded me into admitting that I had been with a black man before I met him. He seemed fascinated with the idea. How did I like it? Did it happen more than once? He wouldn't let it alone, so I finally ended up telling him the story of my experience with black men.I had just graduated from high school in Marin County and it was the Summer of Love in San Francisco. My friends and I had been traveling over to SF for months and were full fledged hippies. I didn't really leave home, I just. I had fantasy lovers all over theworld, and none of them knew that I was really a guy. Inever considered myself to be gay, it was just a way to getsome kicks, and it went well with my cross-dressing.Actually, my life was finally going pretty well. I was ableto indulge in my dressing, I got to chat with guys whodidn't know I was male, and I had a damn good job thatallowed for both. I was happy with my life, so of course,things began to change.One day, I had been chatting with a guy named Joe,.
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